Friends are keepers of a number of my best-told life stories. They hold keys to my past, and some of those keys I wouldn’t mind taking back {for safe keeping, of course}! Friendships are life’s treasures. These treasures are not inherited. And when earned, they require regular care to stave off tarnish.
I have many friends – some in mint condition, others whose surfaces have dulled with time, and few beyond restoration. Recently, several people I know have commented on the difficulty it is to make new friends as adults. Having trouble maintaining the relationships that I do have, I started to question the complexity of adult friend-making.
Cutting out the psychological research, I reduced the workings of my adult life down to one game: “Simon says.” Do you remember playing that game as a kid? “Simon says put your hand on your head.” Or, “Simon says jump on one foot.” I play the game every day. All day, in fact. I suppose most things in my adult life could be named Simon. What about you?
Take a moment to list your Simons:
Simon 1:
Simon 2:
Simon 3:
Simon 4:
Simon 5:
Additional space for more Simons:
Now that you’ve listed your Simons, review the list. How many of them are your friends? If your Simon list is lacking in friends, then your adult life might be lacking in friends, too. Some orders we take as adults are not chosen. Others, however, we can choose.
I value a clean house, bills that are paid, a well-stocked fridge, and clothes that fit – all products of my “Simons.” I also value laughter that warms my heart, and commands to share my dreams and insecurities – products of my dearest Simons.
Making and maintaining friends as an adult is hard. This might be because I can only manage so many Simons, and the Simons that are commanding my life are the wrong Simons. As a child, my life was structured for me: Wake up, eat breakfast, learn school lessons, play with friends at recess . . . Wait! Recess? Time to develop and maintain friendships was a structured daily activity?
As I embark on my adult-life adventures, I want to create and share memories with people who add meaning to my life. This means structuring time for friends – to make and maintain. I also understand that not all commands from my friendly Simons will be met with open arms, nor convenient and easy. I might have to make personal sacrifices. Laundry will pile up on occasions, and dust bunnies will roam about the hardwood floors. Someday, I’ll donate those clothes to Goodwill, and the dust bunnies will be thrown in the trash. My friends, however, are my treasures. They will travel wherever life’s journeys take me. They will warm my heart, fill my memories, and give me hugs. They are my very best Simons. If only all my Simons could be friends.
